Our Hearts Will Go On
by The Sun Also Rises
Summary: SPOILERS! Set sixteen years after the end of TSFT. Gemma books a passage on board a ship. That ship is.....the Titanic! Much drama, angst, and Karma. I spent much time researching this! Review please!


**I had a BLAST writing this ****fic****!! I know it is rather long, but I put tons of time and research into it and would love some feedback! I spent my whole Saturday on it. If this ****oneshot**** in any way is not compatible with TSFT, do not fault me as I have never read it. I am still waiting for my copy! This tak****es place sixteen years after the end of TSFT****. Please Review! I own NOTHING!!!! This chapter is set to the song "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Enjoy! **

**APRIL 10, 1912**

I smiled at the children running along the deck of the ship, chasing each other in their games of hide and go seek. They seem so carefree and innocent. I cannot help but envy them.

The date is April 10, 1912. It has been sixteen years since Kartik's passing, sixteen long years in which I have been forced to greet the morning alone, without his warm body at my side. My heart breaks for what I have lost, and a part of me waits patiently till it is my time to rejoin with him. But for now, I am content to live, to live and breathe and exist.

My time of dying will come eventually; and, when it does, I shall meet it with peace, knowing that what comes after is not as terrible as it seems.

I stand on the deck of one of the wonders of the world: the RMS Titanic, a marvel of engineering and ingenuity. At 882 feet long and 92 feet wide with a weight of 46,000 tons, the Titanic is one of the largest ships of its kind. And I have the honor of traveling on it as it makes its maiden voyage.

I let the salty sea breeze blow through my hair, ruffling it and undoing the pins which hold it in place. I smile and reflect on the past few weeks. I had returned from New York to visit my family and friends in Europe. My father died many years ago, but Tom was still as alive as ever. He is now the superintendent of Bethlehem. I am immeasurably proud of him.

Felicity is well. She and her partner Elise are doing well. They live in Paris, as Fee always said she would. I am glad that she is happy. Elise is not right for her as Pippa was, but still, they make quite a pair. Ann and Charlie have married and now have three adorable children, two boys and a girl. The little girl, named Gemma after me, has obviously inherited her mother's singing voice.

The waves rush in their ongoing currents, carrying the water to places it has never been. And I cannot help but feel that I am like the water, the waves of life ever pushing me to new places. Life in New York is exciting and full of adventure. And yet, I feel hollow, as if a part of me has been removed and shall never be made whole again. But I know that one day I will be whole once more. I have only to join Kartik.

I see the captain standing by the gangplank as important people board the ship. Our captain is named Edward James Smith. He is an able-bodied seaman with thirty-eight years of sailing experience. I am confident that our voyage shall be quite comfortable. The first officer, a Mr. Murdoch, bustles about making preparations to depart Southampton, England. I feel a strange rush of pride as I view the Titanic in all its majesty. It is comprised of ten decks and carries now almost 2,500 people. It offers a gym, a swimming pool, a Turkish bath, ornate suits, and, of course, delicious food.

All of a sudden, the captain's voice breaks out over the crowd. "Send her to sea, Mr. Murdoch!" he cries. And we are off. Instead of going off to my room as all the other first class ladies are doing, I stand out on the stern and throw my arms back and exult in the feel of the air on my skin. I feel alive as I have not felt since Kartik's death. My actions earn mea few disapproving stares from other wealthy passengers. But I could care less. Why do we exist if not to LIVE?

The only thought dampening my mind is that I wish Kartik were here with me. But I shall be with him again, someday. But for now…………….

I eventually retire to my room to dress for dinner. I am awestruck as I view for the first time the grand staircase that leads up to the first class suits.

It must be at least sixty feet long! It is solid oak and decorated in ornate patterns. Perhaps the most stunning feature is the beautifully carved cherub that sits on the post dividing the stairway in two. My eyes grow wide and I cannot help but finger the wood of the cherub in awe of such finery.

My room is more than satisfactory. It is decorated in the French Louis XV style. The bed is monstrous and a small, but serviceable looking desk sits on the wall opposite the door. A lounge chair sits by my bed, a very comfortable looking lounge chair at that. Although it is smaller than most of the first class suits, it is quite a beautiful room.

My luggage has already been placed on the floor of my room. I set about unpacking it. I hang my suits neatly in my armoire. I am absolutely delighted that corsets are finally going out of fashion with sharp, new outfits coming to take their place. I wish Kartik could see me in such dress. I'm sure he'd smile at my newfangled style.

As I unpack the last of my luggage, I come across the little blade that Kartik gave me all those Christmases ago. It has lost none of its sharpness. I finger it lovingly and try to imagine Kartik's fingertips on it, so warm and reassuring. I sheath it and place it in my handbag. After all, I have no escort. It may come in handy.

With everything stowed in its proper place, I make my way down to the dining hall. On the way, I cannot help but marvel at the Titanic's speed! They say we are making a good twenty knots. As I was boarding, I heard a wealthy man proclaim: "Not even God could sink this ship!" And, for now, it seems that he is right.

The dining hall certainly is impressive! One hundred and fourteen feet long and spanning the whole width of the ship, it can seat 532 passengers! I am amazed. The room is tastefully decorated in the Jacobean style and the walls are a creamy tan-white color. The aroma of food wafts to my nose. I cannot wait to sample the hors d'oeuvres!

Elegant ladies and charming gentlemen file slowly into the room. The laugh and talk as if they haven't a care in the world and, as I remind myself, they probably haven't. We are called to be seated and I eagerly skim the menu. One entry catches my eye: Lamb with mint sauce, cream of barley soup, and French ice cream. Marvelous. Oh, I suppose I shall order the chocolate éclairs too.

Dinner is a lively affair. I eat quietly and engage with no one. I find it best to keep to myself. After a scrumptious meal, we ladies are herded out to the reading and writing room, or, if we prefer, the library. The men make their way to the smoking room. I choose to visit the library in hopes of finding a good book to sneak into my suit.

The library is beautiful and contains far more books than I ever thought a ship could hold. In the end I choose a mystery novel and retire to my room.

**APRIL 11, 1912**

_I walk in a meadow full of flowers and sunlight. It is the most beautiful place I have ever seen. I dance with the wind and smile at the sky, rejoicing in the beauty of the day. Suddenly the sky turns dark and a loud wailing is heard. I turn towards the sound and, instead of seeing __people,__ I see a huge block of white coming towards me. I try to run, but find it impossible to escape such destruction. I hear children crying and waves swelling and crashing. I hear a large crack as the foundation on which I stand splits in two. I am thrown against a rail and all the breath is knocked out of me. I scream for dear life. _

_But above all the clamor and panic, I hear a familiar voice. It is __Kartik__. He calls to me soothingly saying, 'It won't be long now, Gem. I'm here. __I'm always with you. Not long now. __Just a little while.__ Don't be afraid."_

_His voice fades and the fearful noises rush back into my head again. I stare out into the blackness and I feel at peace. My skin grows cold, and as I feel myself lose consciousness, I hear __Kartik__ cry out, "Remember!"_

I wake up from sleep, sweating profusely and panting. A dream, I tell myself. It was only a dream. I rise from bed and light the gas lamp. I move over to my wash basin and splash water over my perspiring face and neck.

My thoughts go over what I can remember of the fading dream: a white block, Kartik's voice, women and children screaming. I slap myself. It was just a dream. But that's what I told Kartik sixteen years ago.

I sigh, frustrated that I am unable to make sense of such a simple thing as a dream. Slowly, I dress myself in a crisp white suit and white boots. I feel tired. Stretched. Worn thin. So different from what I felt yesterday.

But that doesn't stop me from functioning. Over the years, I have learned to rise, eat, and sleep, regardless of how suicidal I feel. Some days, life seems to me to be a dreary monotony. Other days, I am alive with spirit and I feel almost as I did before Kartik died. But today I feel the former. Depressed.

I make my way down to the already crowded dining hall for breakfast. Last night, the ship docked in Cherbourg, France, for almost two hours. We have taken quite a few more passengers. It is thought that around noon, we shall dock in Queenstown, Ireland, for an hour or so.

I take a seat next to a young, shy looking pregnant girl who is picking at her food morosely. Glad to be in the company of another depressed soul, I cheerfully introduce myself. The girl's name, I find out, is Madeline Astor, wife of one of the most important personages on this ship, a Colonel John Jacob Astor. She and her husband boarded in France last night and she is currently awaiting his arrival at breakfast. It appears he is in a meeting.

As I get to know her over my meal of baked apples and buckwheat cakes, I find that she reminds me very much of myself; or what I would have been like had I married Simon Middleton. Ignored, forever waiting for him to have time for me, always hanging on his arm. I smile as I think of how I turned from that fate. Or perhaps it was my destiny to do so. I shall never know.

Breakfast ends and I am glad to have met Madeline. We agree to meet again soon and with that, I take myself to the pool.

I am quite impressed with the swimming pool. It certainly is large! Rather than swim myself, I lie down on a lounge chair and watch the other young couples carouse by. With a pang, I remember how Kartik and I walked together, in private or in the Realms, were no one would see. How we held each other on cold nights and how he would crawl into my window and hold me lovingly. I also remember the arguments we had; pardon, the arguments that I had with him. He was never the arguing type, really. I was just so aggressive sometimes.

Children run past smiling widely and splashing each other. I cannot help but wonder whether, if Kartik had lived, we would have had any children. I am sure we would have. How I wish I could have had his child! Then at least I would have had a piece of him after he was gone. But, as fate would have it, I am alone.

We dock in Queenstown, Ireland, for a short while, letting passengers on and collecting mail and such. And then we are off once again.

The next two days pass in relative peacefulness. I divide my time by visiting the pool, sitting in the library, eating, and playing bridge with Madeline and her friends. But mostly I stand on the deck, feeling myself come alive with the open sea.

I rejoice in the fresh air. I feel the spray of the sea on my face. It is truly invigorating and helps to draw me from my melancholy state. I live.

**APRIL 14, 1912****, 11:10**** P.M**

I lie awake in my bed, comforted by the lap of the sea against the sides of the ship. I feel odd tonight; as if I stand on the brink of something portentous, yet am too blinded to see what it is. I yawn and try to force myself to sleep by reading my book. The mystery is not really a mystery at all. The husband, of course, committed the crime. I figured that out after the first hundred or so pages. Suffice to say, the novel does the trick and puts me to sleep.

I am awakened soon after by a loud crash and a jarring of the ship. Cursing loudly at whatever disturbed my slumber, I reach for my dressing gown and make my way out into the hall.

Many people have done the same as I and stand out in the corridor looking around nervously. A few minutes later, a member of the crew comes by and tells us not to be alarmed. Most people grumble and retreat back to their beds, but I am not one of them. I decide to walk around the ship for a while, to see if we are being told the truth.

I make my way stealthily onto the stairway that leads up to the deck. I can hear muffled voices, which, although they are quiet, are filled with fear. My limbs are cold. I forgot to bring a jacket and the night air is freezing. I try to creep onto the deck. I am stopped by Captain Smith himself!

"Please, Miss. Return to your cabin and remain there. Don't worry. Everything is completely under control."

He lies. I can sense it. Something is terribly wrong. But he leaves me no opportunity to look up on deck as he guides me back down the steps. I resolve to go immediately to Madeline's cabin and see if she is all right.

When I knock, a timid voice answers with a 'who's there?'

I announce myself and hear Madeline move, quickly as she is able, to the door.

"Madeline! I came to see if you were well after that noise!" I state. Her face looks ashen and I can see that her husband isn't in. She welcomes me, grateful for someone to spend the time with. After briefly discussing the earthquake-like happening, I walk over to her closet and take out her coat and shoes.

"Just in case," I reply in response to her questioning look.

We sit and chat until 12:25 A.M. All is still until we hear a great clamor in the hallway. I motion for Madeline to stay where she is while I dash out. An amazing sight meets my eyes.

People are everywhere, pushing and shoving in an attempt to beat each other to the deck. I pull someone aside and ask, "What's happening?"

The scared looking man replies, "We've hit ice! They've given the call for women and children first!" And with that, he is off, running for his life.

I waste no time in calling for Madeline. I take her hand in mine and guide her out into the corridor. We make our way slowly to the deck. I blanch and my eyes fill with horror as I take in the sight.

A large iceberg has plowed into the ship creating a gaping hole in the hull. Some of the decks have already flooded. I hang on tightly to Madeline and push and shove my way to the front of the crowd, near the lifeboats. A cry sounds out near me, "Maddy! Thank God!" It is her husband running towards us. He grabs Madeline's arm and pulls her into a crushing embrace. So he does care for her after all.

He turns to me and says, "Come. The captain has arranged for us to board the first boat. I wish to thank you for watching her by taking you with us." He takes my hand and pulls me along through the fearful crowd.

We stand at the entrance to the lifeboat. Madeline is helped in along with a few other high society ladies and their husbands. Colonel Astor extends his hand to help me in. I stand for a minute and all time seems to freeze. It all comes crashing down on me. The dream, Kartik's voice, the wall of white. My destiny.

And suddenly, I know that it is not my fate to make it off this ship alive. By entering that lifeboat, I would curse all of its passengers. Raising my head, I look into Colonel Astor's eyes and say, "No, thank you. I'd rather not. Give my seat to someone else. I have no need of it."

Madeline cries out and Colonel Astor tries to pull me in. I resist and break away. My eyes meet Madeline's for a brief moment. In them, I see so much pain and fear, but also so much life. I give her a sad smile and turn back into the tumultuous crowd.

A rumor spreads throughout the people. They say that the steerage passengers are being held down below. I may not get off this ship, I think to myself. But I'll be damned if I sit here and dawdle around till my death.

In an instant, I am off running down to the steerage section of the ship. A ship's mate guards the screaming people as they rage behind a locked gate. My heart breaks for them and I run and sneak up behind the guard. I draw Kartik's knife out of my handbag and hold it against his neck. He struggles, but he is a little man. And I hold him in a vice grip.

"Open the gate," I hiss.

He does nothing.

I press my knife to his neck so that it draws a bit of blood. "Open the gate. Now!"

Amazing what the threat of death will make you do! The man moves slowly, with my knife at his throat, and unlocks the iron gate. The people surge forward and I release the man. He then throws off his naval hat and jacket and pretends to be a passenger. I sigh and re-sheath Kartik's knife. I make sure that no one is left down in steerage before I make my way back up to the deck.

**APRIL 15, 1912, ****2:13 A.M.**

I stand on the deck assisting people with their life jackets and comforting sobbing women and children. My heart breaks because I have seen the number of lifeboats on board. There are not enough for even half of the passengers! So many will die tonight. But I comfort myself by thinking of Kartik. He is near me now. I can feel him. His presence hovers on my neck, his breath a warm whisper on my cold skin. I think of the time we had together. So short it was. And then I think of all the time we will have together in just a short while. I am at peace.

The bow has sunk completely below the icy waves. We have but minutes left to live. A loud shriek rises from the boat as, in a terrifying moment, the lights go out. Forever.

**2:19 A.M.**

My dream comes back to me as I hear a sickening crack. The ship breaks into to pieces. I clutch at the railing for dear life. My fears are coming back to me. As we tip sideways. Poor souls are thrown headlong into the frigid waters of the Atlanic. A cling onto the railing, my arms burning as I struggle to hold on.

And then, amidst my fear, his voice calls out to me, a beacon of light in this present darkness. He whispers, "I'm here. You don't have to be afraid anymore. I'm so close to you now. So close. I can almost touch you. Just a little farther. I'm waiting for you. Just let go."

I gasp and cry out. I can hold on no longer. I release my hands from their clenched grip. Feel myself fall weightless to the water. Feel the cold on my skin. Feel my lips move to whisper a name, "Kartik….."

**2:20A.M. **

A brilliant light shines around me. I open my eyes, allowing them to adjust to my vibrant surroundings. I'm in the Realms. At least, I think I am. I see the river far off in the distance, see the Gorgon continuing on its way. I walk slowly over to the water, relishing the feel of the warmth on my skin.

A lone figure sits by the shore. He looks passively off into the distance. I walk towards him and sit beside him. We stay like that for a while, just gazing across the river and into the land beyond.

After a long stretch of time, he looks over at me. I see the same warm chocolate eyes, the same perfectly sculpted chest and lips, the same intent gaze. We lock eyes and, in that moment, it seems that all we have ever shared or known, all that has ever been passes between us. He stands and helps me to my feet.

I see the many souls lost on the Titanic as they cross over the river. It is time.

Kartik looks at me with those enigmatic eyes and whispers, "You remembered."

Instead of answering, I lean over and kiss him for the first time in so many years. He takes my hand. "Are you ready?" he asks.

I nod, "I am now."

And as we walk hand in hand into a glory undimmed by life's pain and sorrow, I think back over my years. Kartik is here. We are together. And all the evils that separated us exist only in my memory. And memory soon fades. But our hearts will go on.

**How was it??? I really need some reviews! Oh, and, btw, Madeline and her husband were real people. ****So were the captain and first officer. Also, I described the rooms as they were. ****The menu items were also accurate. The dimensions of the ship were real. The dates and times were correct. ****The docking points were accurate as well. I took a lot of time to research this and would appreciate some feedback!**


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